There is so much I could say about New York City. It's the city of dreams. A place words will never be able to describe. A place where anything you can image to be, is already happening, cohesively amongst other seemingly magical projects and concepts.
For the last seven years or so, I was fortunate enough to live in the suburbs (well, relative suburbs... in Connecticut) of nyc. Close enough to spend the occasional weekend meandering the streets in high school, with the ability to commute to an internship or two in college, and close enough to even have the opportunity to rent someone's couch in manhattan for a month while on break from school. I knew the city well and I loved it hard. In fact, when i was younger it was all I ever dreamed of having. Deeply immersed into Sex and the City and Gossip Girl, my every dream was to live in new york, so much so that every day I would pretend my commute home from school was my older self coming home from my Manhattan based publishing job at the end of a long work day. But growing up in Canada, I never imagined that I would ever be able to live in America due to all the legalities.
In a way, I think I manifested it. It was all I ever dreamed of and when I found out my parents were moving us to America, the first thing I thought about was my ability to finally live in New York City. It was my every dream unfolding before my eyes, even if it did take seven years for it to finally happen.
Last fall, after my college graduation in the spring, I moved to Brooklyn with absolutely no plan. I found an apartment in "Gypsy Housing," the facebook group EVERY person on a budget needs to be in if they're moving in the city/city's burrows. I saw ONE listing, and fell in love with the apartment. The spiral staircase in the living room was as it turns out, exactly what I dreamt of having in my apartment when I was younger, and the natural sunlight won my heart ten times over. (see my room tour here)
The last eight months went nowhere according to plan, yet were everything I could have ever wanted. As someone who absorbs the energy of those around her, I found myself stressed and overwhelmed by the city's chaos. Trying to balance 1001 things, with a social life not being one of them and growing lonelier and lonelier with every day. I started to miss nature like I've never missed anything before in my life. And the ability to breathe easily seemed to leave me. I fell deep into a self absorbed pool. The only thing on my mind was ME. What I wanted. What I was doing. and how I was going to be able to merely survive. That's exactly what it felt like. It felt like every waking moment was about how I was going to survive.
And yet, despite the feeling of drowning in my every day experiences, the questions I asked myself, my depleting physical condition, and the voice inside my head that became overbearing, I wouldn't take a single minute of it back.
I learned more about myself in those eight months than I ever have in my entire life.
I tested my soul.
I connected with the universe from an isolated point of view.
I was reminded of the importance of health and community.
And I focused on realizing I could one day, actually achieve BALANCE.
I believed in myself more than I believed in negative circumstances.
And for that I am eternally grateful.
But, there came a day where I knew that chapter was over. That nyc's test for me was done. That the experience we had together, this self absorbed isolated time to grow together, and to dive into the madness, was over.
So I consciously made the decision to surrender to the universe and to move onto something new and inviting - something else that just felt so right like it was meant to be. I found someone to take over the final months of my lease and packed up my belongings. Cheers to what's to come next. I can't imagine learning any more than I already have, but I'm sure something new and unimaginable will be coming for me.
I guess what I'm saying is, don't be afraid to dive into feeling uncomfortable. Truly uncomfortable. Before moving to NYC, I knew deep in my bones that I needed to make a change in my life to figure out what my real purpose was in this life. I had an idea but I wasn't really sure what I wanted. When the universe gives you an idea, go with it.Do everything you can to jump towards it because something more profound than yourself might just come from it. And for me, that was learning exactly what made me tick and what made me truly uncomfortable and ruffled.
Health and happiness will truly guide everything.
Follow your bliss.
Neither life nor you need to ever remain stagnant.
Do what feels right, trust your intuition, and chat/reflect with the stars every once and awhile. It will do wonders.
so much love,